Three years of miracle


Click to enlarge January 2, 1999 January 2, 1999 January 16, 1999 January 18, 1999 May 1999 October 1999 November 1999, 1 year old December 7, 1999 April 9, 2000 Summer 2000 December 30, 2000 Spring 2001 October 2001		Three years ago, my world changed in ways that can never be described in words. My life was torn apart in an instant, but yet I have been enriched through my turmoil. How can you describe to someone the experience of having a premature baby? How can you make them understand that even though you wish it hadn't happened for your baby's sake, you wouldn't take it back for anything because it has made you who you are today and taught you so much about life? I look at my daughter today and am simply amazed. She is turning 3 years old and is the light of my life. Three years ago, she was given a 50/50 chance to survive. Three years ago, she was no bigger than my hand and she looked so fragile. Three years ago, I could never have imagined how I would perceive things as I do now. Things have not always been easy, but they have been well worth it. I have grown so much in the last three years and I feel a need to express that with everyone as Haley reaches her third year of life. I hope in some small way our experience can touch your life as it has mine. I will never forget seeing her lie there so helpless and tiny as the ventilator breathed each breath for her. I will never forget how she almost died on more than one occasion. I will never forget seemingly endless days of going back and forth between the NICU and home. I will never forget having to ask to go in and see my own daughter. I will never forget not being able to hold her when I wanted to so badly. I will never forget feeling like I wasn't even a mother at all. I will never forget all the tears I cried for my baby. I will never forget thinking my baby was finally coming home, only to be told thre were some problems and that she would have to stay and have more tests run. I will never forget that she wasn't able to eat cake on her first birthday. I will never forget wondering when she would ever sit up, crawl, or walk. I will never forget the disappointment when the doctor said, "Your daughter has Cerebral Palsy." I will never forget the first birthday party Haley went to, where all the other kids were running and jumping around, while Haley struggled to even be able to climb up a tiny slide. I will never forget how painful it is to watch her struggle to do things that should come easy to her at her age. I will never forget the pain and turmoil that has been caused by Haley's premature birth. However, I will remember how excited I was when her eyes opened for the first time as she lay there on the warmer in the NICU. I will remember how special it was when I got to hold her for the first time when she was 10 days old. I will remember all the wonderful memories of doing Kangaroo Care. I will remember rejoicing with the NICU staff when she reached different weights, like 2 pounds and 1000 grams. I will remember how special her first bath was when she was 2 1/2 months old. I will remember how much fun it was to dress her when she was a few months old, because I waited so long for it. I will remember the wonderful friends I made in the NICU during our 3 monts and 3 days stay there. I will remember the day we took her home, and know it was a little more special because we waited for over 3 months for that day. I will remember how I cherished each moment with my baby, because I knew what it was like not to have her with me. I will remember how special each milestone was. I will remember how much more precious the first time she said "I love you" to me was. I will remember sitting for hours and watching her play, almost wondering if I will wake up and it will have all been a dream. I will remember how overwhelming it was to watch her ride a ride at an amusement park all by herself for the first time. I will remember the small things that can easily be taken for granted, like learning to jump and run, pedaling a tricycle or climbing into her own bed. I will remember all the precious moments of watching my baby grow up, knowing that I almost didn't get to experience them, and therefore making it a little more sweet. I will remember that I have a living miracle who will teach me things in life that some people never get to learn. I will remember each day that I have been blessed more in the last 3 years than most people experience in a lifetime. Haley has accomplished a lot in her short lifetime. I want to share with you some of those accomplishments: 10 months old, Haley sat up unassisted and said mama for the first time 13 months old, Haley got her first tooth 14 months old, Haley learned to crawl 17 months old, Haley took her first steps 22 months old, Haley walks all by herself 30 months old, Haley learned to count to 10 and sing her ABC's 35 months old, Haley learned to pedal a tricycle While Haley has some gross motor delay, I think you can see she is progressing beautifully. She is very intelligent and fun. She loves to sing and is very imaginative. She is still small for her age at 25 pounds and 32 1/2 inches tall, but she is growing at her own rate so there is no cause for worry. Dynamite certainly does come in a small package! She started out tiny and she will probably be tiny her whole life, but just take a look at the pictures to the left; She has grown by leaps and bounds. (Each picture is a thumbnail and when clicked it will take you to a bigger version of that picture.) Through all of the disappointments, it is obvious Haley has come a long way and surpassed all expectations of a former 25 week preemie! There is no way to express how much this child has changed me and my outlook on life. I am so much stronger, more spiritual and more aware of how precious life really is. There will come a day when I will be able to share with Haley what a miracle she is, and I hope she will someday know how much she has enriched my life. I thank God every day for choosing me to have this precious little girl. I don't know why I deserve her, but I am so glad she is in my life. It has not been an easy road, but I would not have chosen a different one. Her life will always be touched by her prematurity, but so will mine, and for that I am grateful.