I can't tell you how it all began... I guess it probably goes back to the birth.. There wasn't ever a specific time when it all started... It's a continuous process, just like life, it goes on and on and there's no definite time when you can say, "This was it," because it all goes on. But I guess if I had to choose a time to tell you how we progressed into it, this is what I would choose.
The summer of 2001 was an incredible summer. During the spring we'd put out an album produced by ourselves and Dad. It was a big hit. It was the first album to go bigger than Middle of Nowhere. It went multiplatinum several times. Everyone seemed to love the tunes, the sound, the new songs - everything. And we couldn't have been happier. Not to mention, never in our lives could we have imagined lasting this long... So we decided to take another full blown U.S. tour to promote the new CD. It had all been so succesful, we never could have predicted it. And, as our band had lived on, the crowds had changed, as well as the music, the family, and the good times. We still knew it could all be taken away just as fast, and I suppose that's why we never tried to take any of our "fame" for granted. So the tour was kicked off and rolling. The crowds were so enjoyable - enthusiastic yet calm in respect. I for one, will never forget a particular concert. We decided to try to throw a concert in every state - two at the states with big cities, sometimes 3, or 4 in the huge states. Now we had concerts everywhere. Really awesome ones in California, where a lot of movie stars came out. In Florida, other musical stars came to visit us. The concerts were awesome every day, meeting more and more fans, visiting backstage and basically having fun at every venue. It was just like the concerts back in '98, only more incredible! But this particular concert, was one that I will never forget in my life time. We were at a venue in Cleveland, Ohio. Although not the biggest venue, it had lots of excitement to offer. Zac found plenty of places to run around, Jessie and Avie could hide in any room. We hosted a water gun war, then tiredly headed backstage. My brothers and I had very mussed hair, sweat dripping from our faces, and soaked clothes, both from water and sweaty running. Our smiles were bright and huge, but we were no glamorous sights. Simply three boys who needed baths - bad! But it had never bothered us before. Little did we know it was already six pm - the time when backstage guests are allowed in. I followed Zac into the meeting room when he stopped dead in his tracks, causing me to bump into him and Isaac to ask what was wrong. Zac threw on his humor and charm, strolling in with his soaking clothes and sloshing shoes. Two girls jumped up from the couch and ran after Zac, who inturn took that to be the most oppertune time to host a race to his dressing room. A guy and two girls remained in the room. I don't believe I ever noticed one of the girls and the guy. I don't remember their names, although I'm sure they told me. And if I ever doubted believing in love at first sight - I was proved it could really happen on that night. Isaac pushed my shy self into the room as he began to meet the guests. He shooks hands and started conversation with the guy, the other girl listening in. The second girl - the one who at the very moment seemed to hold my heart - seemed to be feeling the same as I. Though neither of us could say anything, my heart was going a mile a minute. This girl - she wasn't a gorgeous model. But she was just the girl I wanted. Models - they weren't for me. But this girl, she was facinating. Her hair was delicate and neatly fixed, an aubourn brown that fell around her shoulders, feathering at the ends. The face it framed significantly was a beautiful glow. Her eyes were a deep, yet radiant brown. They possesed the ability to hold one's stare for an eternity, because no one would ever be able to discover how deep they ventured into her soul, and mind, and thoughts. Her eyebrows hovered over her eyes, and her nose was simply a perfect one. Her lips were the next focus of my journeying eyes. They were a wondrous shade of pink. Not bright, not dark, not a red, and not covered by a heavy layer of fake color. They were fit perfectly together in an uneasy, shy, yet eager style. Her chin underneath was fit just right in place, creating a face I would never lose sight of. Even now I can remember just what she looked like, in every way. I regret to inform, my memory isn't as sharp as what she was wearing, but I remember my eyes were locked forever on that face. Finally each of us quit staring as I tried to utter a word, although to this day I don't think a word would be worthy of the presence of such a girl.
"H..Hi." I began, my shy voice not very loud, or clear.
"Hi!" She beamed, breaking a bright smile and her eyes lighting up. It was the most beautiful smile I'd ever seen.
"I'm Taylor." I continued, figuring she knew who I was.
"My name is Nicole." She replied, taking my hand that I'd offered in a handshake greeting. Her hand was smooth, yet firm in shake, her nails colored a dark color and her hand delicate.
"Nice to meet you Nicole. Did you come far?" I started a conversation, although with much effort. My lips, mouth, voice box, tounge - nothing would work right, or so it felt.
"I live in Euclid, about 10 minutes from Cleveland." She responded politely.
"Well, that's cool. We just flew in from New York." I replied, searching for more conversation.
"New York.. I've never been there. Never been in a plane either... Where are you going next?" She asked. She was far better at keeping a conversation going than I ever would be.
"New York is pretty awesome, and I guess I'm used to plane rides. Next we're going to West Virginia." I answered.
"Are you enjoying the tour?" She inquired. I was quite surprised. Most people we talked to didn't have much to say, much to talk about. But then, I was usually used to knowing what to say.
"Yah, the tour is great. We're getting to see more stuff than our other ones. Two weeks ago we went to Royal Gorge. It was a pretty incredible sight. We walked across the bridge and everything. Zac wanted to go rafting but I told him it was too insane." I laughed, trying to get more comfortable. Unfortunetly I could feel myself blushing slightly.
"Sounds pretty nice. Have you been to the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame over here?" Nicole asked.
"Not yet, but I'll mention it to dad. Is it pretty nice?" I asked her.
"Yah, not bad."
"Well, Nicole, the show starts soon and I need to change. But if you want you can follow me to the dressing rooms..." I suggested. It felt weird suggesting it. Most guests never came to our dressing rooms, besides I was too shy to invite someone or even imagine it, but I guess with a girl like this, you couldn't let shyness get the best of you.
"You can call me Nikki.. And sure, I'll follow you." She nodded happily. Nikki and I continued a conversation into my dressing room. I tell you, this girl was so fascinating. I could tell she was shy, but trying hard not to be. She had lots of things to talk about though - the more we visited. She listened to me intently and I talked more with her than I ever had with a fan, or guest. I headed into the bathroom of the dressing room to change clothes while Nikki sat in the main room, continuing to talk. She amazed me with how different she was. Not once did she scream or squeal. I even made the first move, one of the first I in my entire teenage life had ever made, by gently placing my hand on her back and guiding her through the halls. I know it was a small motion, but you can't understand until you're eighteen and never had a girlfriend or many dates. This girl was very special. I could tell it in the air around her. She was pleasant, and fun; kind, considerate and listening. We met back with my brothers and the other guests in the main backstage room. There, some of the other guests were getting bored, buying cokes and changing conversations. The girls who'd followed Zac around were now trying to get some Isaac impersonations. Nikki and I sat down on the couch, as I exchanged a glance with Isaac. I could tell all in that glance that he knew I was really interested in the girl. I offered Nikki a coke and got up to buy it from the coke machine as Isaac followed me. I knew why he was following me. He began to question me about her and I don't know if I ever made it clear enough, how different this girl was. Words would never suffice the explanation needed to show why this girl was so special... Why I suddenly wanted to stay on the couch with her for hours and hours so we could talk about things, how I wanted to sing a song for her, or do a concert just for her.. And yet, I didn't understand it. I'd never fallen for a girl like this, and I didn't even know her. But I guess love is a very amazing thing. And at the age of eighteen, as much as I'd longed and waited for this moment, a secret feeling in the back of your mind wonders if this was really it. But I knew this wasn't one of those things you just to let slip by. The night progressed on as we played the concert of our lives. Well, that's how I pictured it anyways. I was on an emmotional high from meeting this girl. I imagined it to be what Ike had longed for, what he'd written about and what he'd tried to find. I guess he'd still not been sucessful; none of us had a girlfriend at the time, but I knew it had to change. After the concert we headed backstage. Sometimes at the venues we got a little bit of time after the show to hang out with the guests, at our desire. And of course I wanted to, so we met up in the main room again. Slowly Ike and Zac headed out, getting things loaded up in the van. The other guests left until it was Nikki and me. With great courage I finally asked her if I could have her address, a phone number, or even a place to e-mail her at, should she want to give it. Her eyes showed that this simple request was one so pleasing she wouldn't mention it. To my delight she neatly wrote out all three. I requested that she didn't let this get out and that I had a great time, and would contact her soon. I had no idea what was going on, what I would do, how much stronger my feelings would get, or how this was going to work. Over the months, I kept close contact with Nikki. I found myself calling her at every stop, e-mailing at every hotel and venue, and writing letters all the times in between. It was so exciting and new to me, and I found myself loving her so much, and all my love was returned like I could never imagine. One day I called her, my sweet love, and her voice was cracked and she was crying. I won't forget that. It was the longest I'd ever spent on the phone. My family couldn't get me away and I owed quite a bit of allowance, but it was all worth it. The week after that we were flying up to New York when I begged my mom for me to visit her. It took alot of persuasion but I did it. By the time I'd left her that week, she was officially my girlfriend, making me the most happiest boy in the world. But sometimes, I'd stand back and find myself sad, watching Isaac as he saw me fulfill what he always wanted. But I knew my brother, I knew he'd find it and he'd be truly happy. He just deserved a really special girl, that took awhile to find, I suppose. Nikki and I talked alot, of all different things. We even covered the fact that we couldn't announce it, her being my girlfriend, because I didn't want her hurt, or hunted, or anything crazy that people might do. Now you see why I'd never forget that concert. It was the begining of a beautiful relationship, as some great quoter would say.
Life rolled on, while I remained deeply in love. Zac seemed to find a person in his life, who meant alot to him. Zac was always the funny one, the kind one, the charmer; he was everything in one. So that's why I thought it quite odd when he met a girl online. Don't get me wrong, for some people that works well. But I guess I just imagined Zac to be the kind of person who would attract the right girl in-person. Not that this was "the girl", after all, Zac was still young. But I never imagined a long distance relationship for him either. However it pleased him, and inturn life was quite pleasant around the house. The two of us were constantly high on love, every once in awhile we'd be down about the latest problem. We always turned to Isaac though. The ever present friend and confidant. He always knew the right words to say, the correct advice, and the best times to give us a hug, or a pat on the back, or whatever it was we needed. I saw Isaac every day though, and wanted him to have what I had. It would make him so happy to have the girl he wanted, and all I wanted was for him to be happy. He'd always been such a great brother.. I wished for him to be happy, or him to find the girl. One day I found myself telling Nikki this. We'd grown quite close and I could tell her anything. I told her my thoughts, everything I'd just mentioned, and also stuff about him from when he was little. All of this proving how he truly deserved the right girl, the right love, and everything a relationship has to offer. Surprisingly, Nikki not only listened, but suggested something. She told me she had a friend. She told me a lot about this girl. Now I have to admit, I had my doubts. I trusted Nikki to the fullest, but I was no match maker. I finally told myself, 'What could it hurt?' So I asked Nikki if there was any time we could meet up with the both of them - her and the friend. It just so happened that Mom allowed me to choose what I wanted for my birthday. I of course chose a birthday bash at Nikki's. My birthday was only 3 weeks away, I'd be turning 19. With plenty of money gathered for my birthday, we arranged for Isaac, Zac and I to fly to Nikki's, also sending her the money to fly her friend up. It would only be the third time for the two girls to be together. I knew it was a very long shot that anything would come out of it for Isaac, but I had my hopes. I wanted my brother to be happy, and not just watch his brothers and their girls.
As much as I was planning for Isaac, I myself was still thrilled. Every time I saw Nikki, I found myself more in love with her. I thought the day would never come, but finally the three of us were catching a ride out to Ohio. I was so giddy - I don't know how Ike put up with me. He seemed especially quiet on the trip, but I was too preoccupied to venture why. At the airport, we landed and I spotted Nikki. I ran to her with a big hug, as Isaac and Zac stood by watching. Then Nikki greeted my brothers, and introduced the two friends she had with her - one was her best friend, a guy I'd known about for awhile, Ryan, the other was the girl she'd told me about, Jade. We all exchanged hellos and grabbed the bags that I and my brothers had taken with us. My birthday wasn't until the next day, and I had no idea what was planned. The six of us went out for dinner that evening, getting to know each other well. I watched Isaac and the girl, they seemed to be hitting it off pretty well, but it didn't look like a relationship kind of thing, and the girl seemed really shy. The night continued on and we headed back to Nikki's house. We greeted her folks and then set out for our night arrangments. Isaac, Zac, and I would be sharing the spare bedroom, while Nikki and her two friends slept in her room. Now I admit the sleeping arrangements could seem awkward. Why, if Ryan would be sharing a room with them, could we not all share a room, but I guess there just wasn't a room big enough. And most of us were two shy to pair off anyways, especially since the only pair - essentially - was Nikki and I. The next day I guess I found the reason for seperate rooms. Perhaps it was to hide her plans for the big day.
I guess I was always one for sleeping late - even on my birthday at my girlfriend's house. It was about ten when I awoke, searching for the right clothes to wear, and a brush for my hair which desperately needed fixing. The house was still new to me, but I wandered down the stairs, suddenly shocked out of my life when everyone screamed happy birthday and threw confetti at me. I tell you, it was the most original birthday bash I'd had, but should I have guessed any less? I loved these guys already. I was presented with the breakfast of my dreams - chocolate cake, strawberry ice cream, a spoon of red jelly beans, and coke. I know, not the traditional eggs, pancakes, and juice. But that's what made it so special, they knew exactly the kinda food I was into, traditional or not! After breakfast, everyone strapped on some skates and grabbed some hockey stuff, rented from a skating organization in Nikki's town. It was the best game of roller hockey I ever had. Nikki, Ryan, and I were on a team against Zac, Jade, and Isaac. It was a blast, and my team won, of course, by three points. Okay, so I'm not the most modest guy when it comes to roller hockey, but it was still great fun. After that, we drove out to the movie theatre, catching the lastest movie we all wanted to see. Nikki and I sat together, then Ryan, Isaac, Jade, and Zac all took seats. The movie was enjoyable, and who would disagree when you were with people like these. We all seemed to be different. My brothers and I were used to being around our friends all the time. Getting the chance to hang out with different people gave us all new opportunities - to laugh, to enjoy it, to look at things differently. After the movie, it was back to Nikki's house. There, we were all presented with sandwiches, and cupcakes that Nikki and Jade had made the day before. They sang happy birthday to me, and afterwards presented me gifts. And although I deeply appreciated the gifts, I figured getting to be with Nikki, to celebrate my brithday there was about the best thing I could ask for. Everybody was kind enough to get me something and I opened them all then. Next Nikki and I had planned a date for ourselves. We left Isaac, Zac, Ryan, and Jade back at her house, while we went to this place Nikki loved to go. It was like a dance club, only mostly teens went there. We danced the night away, working up quite an apetite and heading to dinner afterwards. Isaac later told me what they did while we were gone. Their imaginations had worked over time as the came up with ways to entertain themselves; from video games, to board games, to music, to everything else they could think of. He also mentioned talking with Jade for awhile, during the time which Ryan tried to kill Zac , and beat him at a video game which Ike and Jade did not hold quite as much interest in - or skill, so I heard. Maybe that's how things got started with Isaac and Jade. I'm not really sure, and I guess I'll never know, but everyone stayed in pretty close contact after the "Birthday Bash at Nikki's". Of course, Nikki and I were happier than ever, still exchanging communication when possible. That was one of the hardest things, to keep the relationship going was something that felt really hard. But I guess we both knew that this was really important, not something we could let go. I called her every chance I could get still, and as shy as I was, I tried to make sure she knew how much she meant to me, every time we talked. And inturn she did the same. I always felt like a million bucks after visiting with her. Occasionally I caught Isaac conversing with Jade over the phone, but it seemed more like a friendship than anything. I guess I gave up, figured I really was no match maker. Thinking back now, I suppose Isaac never shared as much with us, as we did with him. I told him everything I felt, everything that happened with Nikki, but I guess I don't recall him confiding in me quite as much. As time passed, I found that Isaac and I began to fight over the phone. We were both calling certain people at every chance we could get. I asked Isaac what was going on with him and Jade. Maybe it was that I never paid attention enough, and never bothered to ask him enough, because when I finally got him in a conversation he began to tell me everything that was going on. He told me that things with Jade started out as friends, but the more he got to know her, the more it all seemed to increase. He told me of feelings he was begining to experience, ones he only dreamed of. He said this girl was so amazing to him; just everything he always wanted. He said, if what was going on with him and her, was going on with Nikki and I, then he could see why I promised I'd never let Nikki go. Shocked by this news, I was learning that this girl meant more to Isaac than I ever thought would happen - after all, I'm no match maker. So Isaac and I shared the phone, and by this time Zac had lost the girl he'd known online.
Another album was released again. It was on fire and incredible. We threw in lots of new versions, covers, and new songs. It went big, and it called for more appearances, shows, and requests to play at certain places. We even set up, months in advanced, for us to play at a fouth of July MTV Independance Blast. It was an outdoor show, that many, many fans, movie stars, and muscians had come to be a part of year after year. Christmas came and we were granted to fly some friends in to Tulsa. Of course, we chose Nikki, Jade, and Zac's friend Rheyanne, along with the backup band members, our close friends and such, but most of them lived in Tulsa, or near there. Christmas was spectacular. We shared our traditions with our loved ones, friends and family. We played in the snow, and shared hot cocoa. Everyone exchanged gifts, and watched the children open presents from Santa and everyone else. The day after Christmas we got to spend some time alone. Nikki and I found a place to be by ourselves and I began to tell her of all the plans for that year, all of the things coming up and also the July Blast. She was eager and I got a great idea. After asking our parents and getting the money, we arranged for the girls to fly down to the July Blast. Zac and Ike were just as estatic about the idea as was I. Isaac told me he got to talk to Jade during that time. He said they had a nice talk, and constantly learned more about each other. I asked him if she was like his girlfriend or anything. He didn't quite answer, rather told me, it wasn't something you could classify. It was too powerful to be a mere girlfriend-boyfriend relationship. I could tell Isaac had gotten what he'd always longed for. After Christmas we said our goodbyes until we would see the girls again in July. Hopes were high to visit them before then, but with our schedule we never knew.
We took off from Tulsa, not long after we bid our goodbyes to the girls. We were as busy as ever, making stops all over the nation. We talked to the girls, as they called us up to tell us how they saw us on tv, or bought the new cd. They enjoyed our music as much as we did, and not in an off-way that must people do. It was just how we loved the music. July took forever to arrive, and when it did, we were ready. Waiting impatiently, the girls' flights finally came in and we greeted them with more joy than usual. Every time we parted and met again, it was sweeter than the time before. We all had more stories to tell and more times to share. But if we had known what was to happen, we never would have wished to be there. Honestly, I'd have given up seeing the girls just that time, to have changed the outcome. We hung out with the girls until the very last minute they would let us. Then we left Nikki and Jade by the stage to start our performance. Up on the stage, we hit it off with a song from the latest album, going into one from our big hit spring album, going into a new song again. The crowd wasn't huge, but they seemed to be enjoying the show. I occasionally got a glance over at the girls, each of them singing along, sometimes dancing happily, or staring up at us singing. During a very old song from our first album, called "I Will Come To You", I caught Nikki's eyes and smiled to her, then turned back out to the crowd to continue belting it out. It all seemed to be going quite well as we flowed into the last song of the day. It was the song everyone said made us, although I never agreed, it was our very first chart topper. Thus, the song, "Mmmbop" began. The crowd got into it and so did we.
Finally ended the last chorus as the tunes faded out and everyone clapped. A terrible rumbling began behind us. Some rowdy rioters were running into the stage and backdrops. Zac dashed out from his drums, fearing what would happen. His drums shook and began to roll from their spots as the stage began shaking. We had no clue what was going on, but suddenly it was loud, very very loud. Thunder clapped over head, as the clouds broke out rain. Everyone began to flee from the sight, some screaming and squeeling from the rain and from the dangers behind us. I later found out that a clan of underground rioters had banned together, opposing the MTV Independance Bash. Police began to run amuck as we searched for a way to get away. The crazy people were running around the stage, we couldn't jump down or we'd be trampled. The backdrop waved dangerously, Zac tried to cover his face, fearing it would come down. The rain got heavier and we noticed the chords to the keyboards and guitar getting soaked. I pulled Zac and I away from the keyboards, trying to yell to Isaac to put his guitar up. A few of the rioters jumped on the stage, one getting shocked by the keyboards and the others pushing their way around the backdrop. More people follwed up the stage, pushing Zac and I around. I suddenly remembered the girls and looked around, searching for their familiar faces. They were no where in sight, and Zac and I were being pulled into a crowd, losing track of Isaac. The police had pulled out their sticks, hitting people and cuffing them up.
"Where's Ike?" I screamed to Zac, who was in front of me. I never heard him answer as we fell off the stage, scrambling up, I'd lost my grip on Zac's shirt, and lost sight of him. I yelled out his name, not having a clue where he'd went. I sat on the ground as people jumped over me, until someone landed on me.
"Get out of the way, you...." Some insane freak hollared back. I picked myself up and dashed from the scene, searching for someone familiar. All the sudden I saw our backdrop from our show rattle and fall forwards, the sound of the drums defeaning as they bounced with the backdrop's landing. I jumped and felt a hand land on my shoulder. I turned around quickly, finding my eyes meeting Nikki's. Her hair was damp and she looked probably as bad as I, or rather not even as close as I. After falling in mud, standing in rain, and being hit by the frantic gatherers, I had no doubt I was a mess.
"Taylor!" She cried, tears from her eyes as she hugged me.
"Where'd you go?" I asked her, trying to yell above all the noise.
"We left, but we could see everything that happened! Where's Zac and Ike?" Nikki asked.
"I don't know!" I screamed, frustrated.
"Shh...." she whispered, pulling me in another hug. The show had turned into a disaster. I looked around - every booth, every show, every thing there had been destroyed, trampled, everything. A loud crack echoed, taking Nikki and I's attention. A fire started, the same place we'd just been half an hour earlier singing Mmmbop.
"What happened?" I asked her.
"It was a protest!" She replied, still crying.
"Did you get hurt?" I asked. She was hesitant to answer, and shook her head 'no'. Another girl then appeared next to them; it was Rheyanne, Zac's friend.
"Where's Zac?" She questioned, with worry in her voice.
"We don't know, hun." Nikki answered.
"Where is he?!" Rhey asked with more concern.
"Are you girls alright?" I asked again.
"Yah, we stayed together." Nikki nodded, forcing me to look in her eyes. We could both feel something wasn't right, and I couldn't concentrate on anything.
"Where's Jade?" I asked.
"Well..she.. She took off." Nikki informed me.
"Why? Where? Don't you know it's dangerous?" I exclaimed, looking around as more cops ran by.
"Well.. we were watching you guys, and we never saw Isaac get out of the stage area... and Zac, well, he got pulled in a crowd and we lost track of him." Nikki told me.
"You never saw Isaac leave?" I screamed. I'd never screamed, but I was screaming. Everything had become so scarey. It was dark; rioters and cops were running everywhere, flames were rising in some places and loud noises never ceased.
"No, we never saw him leave." Nikki confirmed sadly.
"Well, he had to have! You must have just missed him!" I refused, looking around for any signs of my brothers.
"Well, Jade went to look-" Nikki began but I interupted her. "Come on, we have to find them!" I decided, grabbing her hand and dashing towards the stage. Nikki grabbed Rheyanne and they followed me. Rhey yelled out Zac's name, hoping to find him. Nikki and I called out Jade and Isaac's names, searching for them. It was quiter near the stage, except for roaring flames on the other side. The heat was too much.
"Zac!" Rhey continued to yell.
"Tay?" A quiet voice came from the distance. We all turned to find it, it was Zac's for sure. We walked around, spotting a dark figure except for the blond hair, leaned over and crying.
"Zachary?" I asked.
"Tay! What happened?" He yelped. We all sat down beside him, holding him close as we tried to explain.
"The crowds were so huge, and the fire, it lit up behind us and scared everyone and the police tried to move us and I didn't know where anyone was.." Zac went on and on.
"Have you seen Isaac?" I asked Zac, shaking his shoulders. He nodded no, sadly and I let go of him, raising up to look around again. Rhey took Zac and picked him up, holding him still in her arms as we wandered around trying to find the rest of our group.
"Let's search the stage." Nikki suggested.
"But the fire?" Rhey questioned wearily.
"Yah but what if someone's in....in... in there." Nikki finished quietly, the words disturbing.
"I'll go in there and look for them." I decided.
"No, and you can't go alone!" Nikki protested.
"Zac's in no shape to go and I won't have you girls going in there. I'm not going to put anyone's life in danger." I said sternly.
"Well, it's my friend that's missing too you know." Nikki replied sharply. I stopped in my tracks, startled by her firmness.
"Stay low and with me." I agreed, taking her hand as we ducked through the smoke. On the other side was roaring and cracking fire, from the looks of it, dying down. We called out their names, searching through the gray smoke that stung our eyes. I pulled Nikki down under a cloud of smoke, seeing we'd arrived at the end of the stage. I peered out over the seats, looking for any signs of life.
"Shh...." Nikki whispered, listening intently. We were both quiet, and I could hear something. It was sniffling, like crying. And in the most faintest voice we could both hear a barely audible whisper, "Help me!" It was definitely a girl, but the smoke must have taken away the ability to shout louder. I jumped down from the stage, helping Nikki down and dashing around the seats and aisles.
"Help!" The whisper was louder and we saw a paper waving above the chairs, to get our attention. Nikki and I ran around the obstacles, avoiding the chairs until we reached the destination.
"Jade?!" Nikki suddenly exclaimed, recognizing the figure.
"Nikki..." She cried, in a half wail. At that moment, I knew something was terribly wrong. We both bent over Jenn, then discovering that Isaac lay stretched out in front of her, his head in her lap and still.
"Ike?" I yelled, shaking his shoulder.
"Something's wrong.." Jenn cried. I shook Isaac some more and he didn't move.
"Go get help, get an ambulance." Jade spoke as the tears ran down to her mouth.
"I'll be right back..." I told them, getting up from my leaning over position and darting as fast as I could, with all my might until I was safely out to Zac and Rhey.
"Come.... with.. me... Hurry..!" I told them, between gasps. The three of us took off to find an ambulance. We ran and ran to the entrance of it all, finding three ambulances. We tried our best to explain the situation. One paramedic took Zac to the side, seeing how beat up he was. Rhey stayed with him while I caught a ride in the ambulance back where Nikki, Isaac and Jade were. We all worked around the smoke and now-diminishing fire to get back to the three of them. When we reached them, my stomache began to hurt more and a deep pain had started in my chest somewhere. Jade held Isaac in her arms, his head still in her lap, rocking him as she wailed sadly, Nikki trying to control her.
"Wake up!" Jade screamed to Ike. The paramedic tried to take over, Jade not wanting to let go of him. Nikki tried desperately to pull Jade aside as they got Isaac loaded up into the ambulance. Jade's cries weren't ceasing as she pleaded to ride in the ambulance.
"I'm sorry ma'am, only one can ride in the ambulance." The paramedic informed them as he pushed me inside and closed the doors. Nikki later told me that Jade went into hysterics, and for the life of her, couldn't get her to calm down. In the ambulance, we sped down the streets as the paramedic worked on Isaac.
"Ike.. Ike... Isaac.." I pleaded gently, taking his hand in mine and holding it tightly. I squeezed his hand, waiting for a response, a squeeze back.
"Isaac?" I pleaded, not as softly. The paramedic checked his pulse and breathing, starting a breathing bag on him and checking numerous other things. I held onto Ike's hand with both of my hands now, "Isaac?!" I pleaded desperately.
"I dont know if he's going to make it." The paramedic said so softly I could barely distinguish it. I got on my knees, leaning over him.
"Ike, you listen to me. You can't leave, you can't give up. Don't quit on me Isaac.... please..." My commands turned into a plea. We reached the hospital and they wheeled Isaac off, leaving me behind in the waiting room. Not too much later, Nikki and Jade were running up in the waiting room to meet me. Zac and Rhey followed behind slower.
"Where is he?" Jade asked, tears streaming from her face, her eyes red and weary. Nikki's eyes were red from crying as well, and I have no doubt that mine were - after crying my heart out on the ride over.
"They took him back in emergency." I informed them.
I remember the wait took forever. Although, when actually timed I'm sure it was more like three hours, it felt like three days. We were all crying, Zac becoming withdrawn, Jade not talking much and Nikki and I visiting in quiet whispers, about anything but the subject at hand. We had called the family, which were staying in a hotel three hours from the July Blast, and promised to be in as quick as possible. The room had suddely gotten quiet as the double doors opened. A doctor appeared, ready to talk to us. I won't ever forget the looks on everyone's faces. To this day, the fear in their eyes could haunt you.
"Ladies... Sirs.. We've discovered that Mr. Hanson has suffered tremendous shock, and life threatening smoke inhalation. He'd been unconcious and not breathing for quite some time. The shock itself sent quite a bit of electricity voltage through his body. We tried everything we could, but we could not revive him. You may see him if you'd like." The doctor finally ended. Jade immediately broke down in tears again, my eyes filled with water as they poured out and Nikki began to bawl. Zac began crying and rocking himself as Rhey comforted him, tears falling from her own eyes.
"Are the guardians of the boy here?" The doctor next asked.
"No sir.... they're coming." I cracked between cries.
"Can we see him now please?" Zac quietly pleaded. The doctor nodded and we all stood up, following him glumly with cries of pain down the hall to a room empty, except for my brother. My brother... he was lying on the hospital bed, machines turned off around him. His clothes had been cut away and his hair pulled back. His eyes were closed and he wasn't moving, not an inch, not a breath, not at all. My stomach jumped tremendously and I felt sick. This couldn't be real. It had to be a dream. We all stood there, looking. Every memory I'd ever had of Isaac flashed through my head. The time when he fell out of the tree. That time I wrecked my bike. I remembered building the tree house, and putting in the skate ramp. I remembered holding baby Jessica with Isaac, as he played along as the mom and making me the dad. I remembered countless shows and appearances. But those were not the special times. I remembered sitting at my keyboard late one night, tears falling on the keys as he sat beside me, comforting me and together us writing a song that same night. I remember coming up with songs as we did our chores, later performing them. I remember dance lessons; funny impersonations, deep thoughts, late night talks, him taking care of me when I was sick, all the times he listened to me patiently. Everything I'd ever known flashed before my eyes. Everything good, everything kind, the greatest love and the greatest person I'd ever known, was lying there on the hospital bed, breathless. I fell to the floor on my knees, rocking and crying. It was like my world was ending. Isaac was everything to me. Things would never be the same, how could he leave us here? How would I go on? How could I not look at the keyboard and hear guitar chords in the background? How could I sing the songs we wrote together, and not hear his voice, not remember how we wrote it? Nikki sat down on the floor beside me, silently slipping her arm round my shoulder and letting me weep. Her own sobbs echoed with mine. I don't remember what was happening with Zac, Rhey, and Jade. All I know is the pain was so much.... more than I'd ever known or imagine... or cared to experience. I felt a firm hand on my shoulder, recognizing it as mom's. She knelt down and rubbed my arms, her tears falling on my head. Dad moved to Zac, wrapping him in a big bear hug as he stared over Ike. The room was a sad muster of gloom. Jessica, Avery, Mac, and Zoe all walked in the room, Mom scooping Zoe up.
"Why are we here, Mommy?" She asked, her voice in all innocense. The sound of her voice made me break down more; she would never get to know Isaac. She would never know about her older brother... how kind he was, all the love he had.. She would never remember how he spent all those times playing with her, changing her, laughing with her and helping to put her to sleep. She would never get to have him while she grew up - never experience his joy and laughter. It was all getting to be too much, I couldn't take it. Nikki hugged me harder as Mom moved to the bed Isaac was laying on.
"Why Ikey sleeping?" Zoe asked.
"Honey, Ikey's been hurt." Mom tried to explain, her tears falling and makeup running.
"Is he sleeping?" Zoe asked.
"Yah honey, he's sleeping... forever." Mom tried to explain.
"Ikey wake up! We were gon play barbies in his legos!" Zoe squeeled.
"Zoe, Ike won't be coming back to play.. He's sleeping." Mom told her again. Zoe stared as Isaac, struggling from Mom's arms to the bed to sit by his still body.
"Say goodbye to your brother, Zo." Mom told her.
"Bye bubba! See you waiters!" Zoe smiled, patting him gently. Mom picked her up, quietly leaning over Isaac and probably saying her own goodbyes in her head. She cried longer and harder. I knew she didn't want to leave. Finally, she whispered, "I Love You", and kissed his forehead, leaving the room with Zoe. Dad picked up Mac, and took Avery's hand.
"Ikey's gone?" Mac cried.
"Yah Mac, he's gone." Dad admitted sadly.
"Where'd he go Daddy?" Mac asked.
"Isaac went to Heaven... remember, I told you about Grandma and how she went to Heaven?" Dad asked.
"Yah, so Ikey's with Grandma?" Mac asked. Dad nodded. Mac was thinking it over, and spoke again, "So I won't see Ikey again?" His litte voice was weak, and sad, on the verge of tears.
"No Mackie, you won't." Daddy affirmed.
"Nooo.. Ikey!" Mac cried, burrying his head in Dad's shoulder.
"Say goodbye Mackie." Dad instructed.
"Nooo-ooo." He cried, holding onto Dad. Avery peered over the bed, placing her hand on Ike's. He'd never get to finish that song he started writing for her. He'd never see her boyfriends; she'd never get to know what an incredible brother he was as she grew up.
"Goodbye Ike. I love you.... Please be with me in my dreams." She whispered, so quietly it was hard to make out. Dad then said his goodbyes and took Mac and Avery out of the room.
"Tay, what happened?" Jessica asked, staring at all of us. I looked up from where I'd burried my eyes in my knees, tightly held close with my arms. She stared at me as I was unable to answer. I saw the tears falling. Then Jessica approached Isaac's lifeless body.
"Ike... I.. I know you promised to teach me to drive... But it's okay... I know Tay can teach me... and I know you'll be there with us... And I know you always wanted to be the best brother, and be close with Avery and Mac and Zoe and us... But since you can't, I'll be here.. And I promise I'll try my best. And I know the way you didn't like my things laying around... So I'll start picking them up... And I know how you didn't like the pulps in the orange juice... So I'll learn how to fix it that way so they can enjoy it too... and I'll keep my hair long how you always liked it.. and I'll teach Mac not to break your guitar strings how you used to do... And now I'm rambling on but I guess I got it from you.. I love you Isaac." She finished, her eyes red as she left the room crying. Isaac was always good with Jess.. They were close. Zac stepped up from his withdrawn spot in the room, Rhey the next step behind him. When Zac was sincere he was never one to be in front of others. He truly was shy and I knew this made him uncomfortable, but I knew Ike meant too much to him for him to care.
"I always looked up to you..." He began, "But not just because you were always taller." He smiled slightly.
"You were incredible. I swore you were perfect. I mean, I know we had our irritations, but you were so cool Ike... I wanted to be like you... I wanted to be funny like you, and sweet like you, and cool like you... I'll never forget all the good times... and I'll still be looking to you for plenty of advice. You haven't gotten rid of me yet. And you always brightened our lives with your laughter and jokes.. That was one of the few things I took pride in too... So pass on some of your good ones, the good jokes that you never forget... And I'll be sure to bring smiles. I love you big brother." Zac told him, squeezing Ike's hand. His sniffles were uncontrolable as he leaned over, kissing Ike's forehead. When we were little, we'd been raised as a close family. After certain ages, as brothers, we quit giving hugs nearly as much... And kisses were left back to our toddler years. But somehow, it seemed right. This was Isaac... Rhey followed Zac out the door, not really saying anything. But I think Isaac was such an awesome guy, that he'd even made an impact on her life, as little as he'd been around her. Jade stepped up, and I felt Nikki leave my side and go to Jade's, standing with her. Jade took Isaac's hand, turning it over in hers. She stared down at him, studying everything about him. She neatly moved his hair, more like it naturally was, and placed her hand on him, half expecting to feel him breath, I suppose. Jade was usually a shy person, so I don't think I heard anything she said, if she even said it out loud. But I know she stood there for several minutes, crying and looking over him. I knew she was at least thinking everything another person would go ahead and say out loud. Nikki held her shoulder, saying her goodbyes to Isaac and leading Jade out the door when she finished. I could hear her break down crying as soon as she got out the door. It was just me in there now. Me and Isaac. I had so many things to say, I didn't think I'd ever get them out. But somehow, Isaac had always known what I was trying to say, and I felt that he knew what I was saying, thinking without having to do a thing. I stood over his bed, my tears falling on him. I didn't think my tears would ever stop, and I knew I would never get over this... How do you get over someone you've lived with all your life? He knew the most about me, he was my best friend. Losing Isaac, I felt like I'd lost everything. How could I go on another day, with him not there? I knew I'd have a hard time coming up, but I knew Isaac was in peace. He was in Heaven, whatever it was like, it was Heaven. I could see Isaac jamming with the greatest guitarists of all time, playing music for all the angels and people up there. And when I thought about it, for Isaac it'd been a death by love. Had he not died by love? The love of music was what he knew. I'll never have to guess how much I and the family meant to him, and he truly loved us, even Jade and Nikki and Zac's friends, they all meant alot to him. But music was what he loved. The greatest musician ever known, and he'd gone out like a flame, playing music just like I know he'd want to. I knew in eternity, that Isaac was still having the time of his life. I was happy for him, but it would never change how I'd miss him forever. When he left, it took a big chunk of my heart; a piece never to be replaced. I squeezed Isaac's still-warm hand, leaned down and kissed his forhead gently.
"I love you, brother of mine." I whispered finally. My weeps began as I exited the room. Nikki had waited for me by the door and took me in her arms as we followed the others out.
The next week my parents had spent arranging the final goodbye, the funeral. The Hanson house was never the same. Out of the kindness of Nikki's mom and mine, she was allowed to stay with us, at least for awhile. Jade suggested she go home, that there wasn't a place for her now, but we disagreed and insisted she stay with us. Nikki and I needed her as much as ever. In little ways she could still remind us of Isaac. But everything was a reminder of him, anyways. The funeral was a nice one, as nice as one could be, and closed to the public. With much greif and pain, Zac and I sang, "With You In Your Dreams", our two voices harmonizing as best as we could, through tears and cracked voices, even though a major part was missing from the song now. And just like a circle, there's no definite end. Life is a cycle, and I can't tell you where to go next. Our lives moved on, but not without great adjusting. Nikki and I remain close, she's still my girlfriend and I'm thinking about making a move on that. I don't keep as close contact with Jade, but Nikki does. The girl went through alot of pain, and probably always will, just like me. Nikki says slowly she's getting better though. Things like these are tough. Jade headed back to her hometown, no longer having Isaac, she didn't see a reason to stay even thought Nikki and I repeatedly disagreed. She was a part of the family, a part of Isaac, a part of us, and that's why we'll keep in contact with her. Zac had a rough time dealing with it, but Mom said I took it the hardest. It was hard on everyone in the family though. And to this day, I still cry about it. But I know one day we'll see him again, and until then he's happy. Now my life must go on, and continue day by day. I must keep the cycle going, until the day I see him comes. But until then, I know the legend, the life, the joy, the laughter, and the love of Ike will be known, because he is the most awesome guy I ever knew. And I know there's a chance someone will learn and something will change, and the world was a better place because he was here. I love you, brother.
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